17 May 2017

Parents shouldn't be burying their child. It's against the natural order. You are supposed to watch them grow and be the person they are meant to be.

But here we are.

When my water broke that early November morning, I said thank you to Pebble. I thanked him for giving me a surprise delivery date. He knew I wanted a surprise despite having a booked C-section. He heard me cry over it for days so he decided to come early.

It was a calm delivery, just like he was. He was a very patient baby from the get go. He rarely complained, even when he's hungry. He would just politely cry for milk.

He almost never complained, even when he was in so much pain. And even through it all, he found means to smile.

He never cried for a wet nappy. He was happy to wait until we changed him.

He smiled a lot even when everything hurts.

He made baby noises that made anyone melt.

He loved watching his hands, they were mesmerising.

He was so content. He accepted everything given to him.

He loved doing peekaboo and did it until the end.

He loved his music. He particularly favoured Ed Sheeran.

He loved watching his Kuya William and looked forward to seeing him again on a school day.

He loved his dad and his silly tricks, he copied them all.

He was such a mummy's boy. He made sure I'm close by and holding his hand before falling asleep.
He made sure I am within hearing range before he trusted anyone. He made sure he can see me before he let anyone played with him.

He fulfilled a lot of my dreams and he gave what our family needed.

Thomas has taught me to be always grateful. The kind of gratitude you find in a difficult situation.

He reinforced what I occasionally forget, to live in the moment and to worry less.

He even reinforced the fact that I am not one with nature, when we went for the shortest walk in the park because of a crossing bobtail lizard.

He gave us the perfect last breath.

He looked at me one last time and then he exhaled.

I gave birth to an angel, too wise for his age. He was put in this world on a mission and that was to spread love and gratitude in every possible way.

His story touched so many hearts around the world and changed so many lives.

He's done beautifully and managed to make a difference in peoples' lives. His presence made an impact, even for his young age, to people near and far more than anyone present today will ever do in their lifetime.

He's deeply loved and I'll miss him so much until we meet again.

He's my darling pebble, forever and always.

We didn't have a happy ending but we have a beautiful story.

Pebble, thank you for choosing mummy and daddy. I love you. Love, mummy.

Sunrise, Sunset (by Jon Blanksby)

sunrise, sunset 
we watch you take your very first breath

sunrise comes bringing hope and joy 
a beautiful 10lb baby boy
big brown eyes and full of hair
a loving look, you glance and stare
hearing our voices for the very first time
we whisper sweet nothings
“we love you, you're mine”
a beautiful smile and chubby cheeks,
we could look into your eyes for weeks.
but whats that on your arm that we find,
it sends a shiver down our spine
it's nothing they say, a birthmark, it's fine
but we best get it checked, all in due time.

weeks pass and the stronger our bond does grow
but then along comes fate to deliver the blow
a sickness that nobody can cure,
a heartache begins for us all to endure.
nothing can change the future so we best make every day last
with laughs and adventures time is going so fast
but at the same time so it passes so slow
and i love for you continue to grow
but the time is close now, you're growing quite weak
even in pain you can barely speak
mummy and daddy say it's ok to sleep
we miss you already and start to weep
hold onto my finger as we say goodbye
but your story isn’t over so lets just say goodnight

we will see you again soon in the stars every night
guiding us through life our own shining light
so much love so much joy,
in such little time with our baby boy
goodnight little warrior with this we promise
we love you with all our hearts our darling little Thomas

sunrise sunset now we lay you down to rest


We had a beautiful service. Thomas was outdoors, next to a lake and under the dancing trees.

He gave us so many signs.

Warmth of the sun against my face shining through between the trees.

Rainbow while Jon and I were saying our Eulogies.

Butterfly that greeted us at home when we came back from the service.

My darling boy spent the night at home before his funeral. I spent all night with him, kissing and holding his hand. His Kuya gave all the kisses he wanted to give and so as his dad.

It was the perfect send off for a perfect baby boy.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and everyone of you reading this, whether we know each other or we don't. The last few months were hard but you gave us comfort from all your beautiful words and kindness.

We are forever grateful.

Much love, The Blanksbys