RACE AGAINST TIME

19 April 2017

I am starting to feel like I am racing against time. My brain is thinking a million things at once. I look at my Thomas and my thoughts are of panic! That cute face, that beautiful chin, that big brown eyes, that beautiful voice, that baby smell. I need more time!




There's a shift in my Thomas. Something different, sullen, sad. I could be over thinking / analysing and overly exhausted.

Hospital visits are now more serious. Those type of discussions I tried to avoid and not think about are now on the table.

Time of emergency.
Last breath.
Final Day.
Funeral.

My heart is heavy. My chest is tight. My tears abound.

He deserves everything beautiful in life. Are we giving it? Is it enough? 

I am hopeful but I also see the painful truth. What do they say about Mother's Instinct?

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This post probably doesn't make sense. I am in constant state of panic inside despite the calmness and smiles, especially after today's hospital visit.

Reminder to self: One day at a time.




To the world who love my Thomas, thank you! 
Please continue on praying for him. 

Much love to you all.








22 comments :

  1. Be strong. We are praying for little Thomas. Thomas teached a lot to us about family, love and all good feelings.

    HUge hug from Brazil!!!

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  2. My heart is so shattered for you. Don't doubt yourself-you did all you could. Sometimes we have to surrender to God and fate. To burden yourself to think that you could have done more is just not fair. Don't do it to yourself. Live in the moment. Live in the "now" knowing he is not going away... he is just going to keep grandmum company until you get there. I love you and your beautiful family.

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  3. I couldn't imagine how you are feeling and I think you have done the greatest job so far. But of course, who am I to say not to panic or not to be sad. Hopefully you will find comfort in knowing that Thomas feels your love. We keep on praying for you, for Thomas, and for the whole family.

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  4. I can only imagine what you are going through, and that is too much to bear. Don't doubt that you are doing everything you can for Thomas and for your boys. They are showered with love, and that's all anyone can really ask for.

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  5. Words cannot express how much my heart is breaking for you and your family.But I am also glad that you have shared your beautiful boy with the world to show us the true love you and your husband and son have for him. I pray every day for a miracle for little Thomas because it's so unfair to imagine someone so young and innocent being taken away so soon. But no matter the outcome, you and your family have shown him so much love and joy, and those memories will last a lifetime. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but just know that you are a wonderful mother with a beautiful spirit, and Thomas is blessed to have you.

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  6. I don't have the words to express how sorry I am for your whole family. Thomas does not deserve this. He should be thriving and enjoying life. My heart breaks for you as a mom. He is so amazing and loved by the world. Your story has touched me and you have reminded me how lucky I am to have a son. Stay strong, enjoy every minute of him, its okay to cry, to be angry. I often think of Thomas and he will be in my prayers. I truly hope life gets better for you all. Love to you and if you need anything, ask. The world is here for you. F* cancer. Thomas, sending you loads of cuddles and kisses.

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  7. Words can't describe how horribly my heart aches for your child. Ever since I started following you it breaks my heart to see such a happy baby going through this horrible disease. I am a mother of 3, I have a 6 yr old, 4 yr old and my 4 month old. Everytime I look at my 4 month old I remember your baby Thomas. I pray for a miracle for him everyday. I pray for him to be by your side, I pray to GOD to give you more time with him so you can watch him grow. I will continue my prayers every single day.

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  8. It is breaking my heart. My tears won't stop, to be honest. Having a three month old son of my own, I strangely feel like I have another infant son in your Thomas. I followed you barely two months ago but it seems like forever since I have known your family. I started crying since Monday, I think, upon learning your baby's fever. There is not enough tears, Sheryl. I have imagined our sons will meet one day, which is not far-fetched as I have family members there in Perth and I would really love to see yours in person. Yes, time is everything. I pray that God grants you that. As one of his "cyber mothers", I am feeling so much love for your boys, especially to Thomas, that I wouldn't want to miss his pretty face and his expressive eyes. There is too much intelligence there. I don't want to reach the time of "healing" cause if I could, I would freeze the time, you know. There are many mothers like me who feel protective of your son. Right now, prayers are on your way. God bless your family.

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  9. Time is something that so many people take advantage of and take for granted. There is never enough of it when you need it, want it...yet it seems to last forever when it is not desired. Your beautiful Thomas has taught me and so many others to treasure every precious moment. You are making every second count with your family. You are making beautiful memories every time you look at him, kiss him, snuggle him, and will never forget these tiny details about him. Some families lose loved ones without having had the chance to really appreciate these things because they took time for granted. That is the only remotely positive (if you can even use the word positive in this scenario at all) thing about understanding his diagnosis. You and your family are going through the unthinkable and those dreaded discussions you've been having to have must be agonizing. I wish you could push all of those unhappy thoughts away. Just remember that you aren't alone and Thomas has the love of strangers turned family from around the world. We love you Thomas. (Wlybarra from Instagram)

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  10. I have been crying so much these past few days since you stated his situation.somehow i believed truly he will be better,he looks so happy and i assume he is fine,but now its obvious his cancer is progressing :( I am so sorry Sheryl,you do not deserve it and Thomas does deserve to be a happy little baby like others.But God works in mysterious ways,who knows maybe it is for the best.I know one thing,even if Thomas leaves us he will continue to live on in our hearts and you will meet him again when the time comes,be certainly sure about that.But I will not give up praying until the last minute,i know God can hear us and maybe a miracle will happen

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  11. Your story has impacted me so much, and I cannot fathom the pain you are feeling as you stare at your beautiful and precious baby boy. The world is crying and praying along with you. Thomas has had such an impact on thousands, though I know that impact comes with your family's unimaginable pain. I wish I could help in some real way, but I will continue praying for you and your amazing family. I hope you feel a fraction of the love that this world feels for your family. Much love and prayers to you.

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  12. Always praying for your family and Thomas. So many prayers going up. It is so unfair :( I am a mom to an 8 month old and 5 year old. I can not imagine your pain. Always praying and thinking of you all!! God bless your family and especially Thomas

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  13. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/15/magazine/childhood-cancer-treatment.html?_r=0

    This child had a rare cancer,only 45 got it in whole USA,they bought a plot for him to be buried in,they just waited and as the mom said chose quality before quanity...the cancer disapeard and little Andrew is alive today,and with NO cancer.I just post this to give some hope,it can happen and i will pray for it all the time,as many here do .Inshallah he will beat cancer

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  14. When I found your Instagram account, I had no idea about Thomas. I just saw a sweet picture of your children on the couch: the older telling the younger one everything will be okay. I thought maybe Thomas had a bad cold. I started following you because your children are so adorable! It was about a week or two later, when I started reading the comments below one of the photos I realized Thomas had more than a bad cold and my heart sunk. I have shared your page with people at work. Today, I stood in our lunchroom while showing Thomas's little smile and I cried for him. And I cried for you. Your family has shown me that my problems are so trivial. I have lost a child. I know what you are going through today, and I know what you will be going through later. I send you, your husband and William my love, and big hugs. When I see Thomas's sweet face I want to just hold him and give him cuddles. I wish I had the words to give you the comfort you all need. You have so much support and I do hope you find some comfort in that. Thank you for sharing such your very personal story with us.

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  15. Hi, I do not know what your religion is ... I'm Catholic .. but it does not matter ... because God is one ... what really matters is that you can not be discouraged ... continue as you are doing ... have faith In God ... no matter what the doctors say, the social workers ... no one knows more than God ..
    Everyone can even give up .. think it's all over .. but you do not ..
    Do not give up, because your son did not give up .. he is fighting bravely and as proof of this every day Thomas presents you with a beautiful smile ..
    When he looks at you he says: help me .. do not give up .. have faith .. I need you .. we will come together ...
    You are his mother .. you brought him to life .. and you can give Thomas the life again ..
    There is no prayer stronger than the prayer of a mother for her child .. but it has to be from the bottom of the heart .. with all her soul ..
    If you do not fight for him, then yes it will be difficult for him to win alone .. as long as there is a 1% chance continue believing, because for God everything has a solution ... just believe ...
    You are right to feel this confusion of emotions .. you have every right to panic .. it means that you have heart, that you wish all the best for your children ..
    God does not forget us ... We do not seek God very much.
    God is by your side all the time, just waiting for you to talk to him ..
    Talk to God ... kneel next to your son Thomas ... First thank God for all that he gave you .. this wonderful family .. perfect .. full of peace, unity and lots of love .. Speak to God .. say from the bottom of your heart that you are extremely grateful for all that he has given you .. what you are giving and for everything yet what he will give you ...
    Beg God .. cry .. beg .. open your heart to God .. feel as if God will pick you up .. say how your family is important to you .. that all you love the most is your Children .. you thank you for having the honor of being the mother of these 2 beautiful boys that was what you most wanted and that in no way you want to lose .. that the way that God gave you his 2 children .. that God does not allow That they take you away .. may God give you a new chance to live with your two children and your husband
    Say: MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD I PRAY, I PRAY MY LORD AND MY GOD grant the miracle of me and my husband to see our 2 children grow .. to become men of good ..

    Say: MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD I really need my 2 children next to me, I do not know how to live without them ... I beg I beg: I need my family united and complete, we 4 always together ...
    MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD ..
    Beg ... call for God every minute .. every second ..
    MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD .. heal my son Thomas ... heal Thomas ... heal Thomas .. do this miracle ..
    MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD .. heal my son Thomas ... heal Thomas ... heal Thomas .. do this miracle ..
    MY GOD, MY GOD, MY GOD .. heal my son Thomas ... heal Thomas ... heal Thomas .. do this miracle ..

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  16. Ask also for Our Lady who is the mother of Jesus
    Say: Our Lady, the lady who is mother and suffered much for her son .. intercede for me with God our father .. help me .. grant the miracle of my little Thomas heal .. that this disease will disappear .. That in the same way that it came .. that this illness sum .. that the Thomas recover .. be perfect .. healthy .. so that he can grow next to our family .. next to my son William .. we need him .. .
    My family was everything that I and my husband wanted most ... Our Lady does not allow our family to break up, do not allow it to be destroyed ... we need you very much, Our Lady, give your blessing .. you understand My pain, my despair .. help me .. help me ... help me

    Talk to God .. say you need this miracle and only God has the power to heal your son Thomas ..
    Speak to God .. say that all this is not happening just to happen .. that all this has a reason .. that your son healing, overcoming this disease you will use the internet to spread to the whole world its history, Their struggle, their faith in God and their victory ..
    That from the healing of your child you will dedicate yourself to your family, your 2 children and above all show to the whole world that with God we can everything and that God is miracle yes and that this science does not explain

    Only god

    Obs: I'm sorry for some mistake .. I do not speak English ... I'm from Brazil, I only speak Portuguese and now I'm talking to my heart .. a mother's heart

    That God and Our Lady bless you
    Amen Amen Amen

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  17. Oh Sheryl, my heart just aches for you every time I see his precious face, or hear of his beautiful story again... you are such an amazing woman and mother, you and your family are so incredibly strong and precious! Sending my love and best wishes xx

    Kez | acaciasdreams.com

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  18. If there is any prayer this mother could say to God it has been said.

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  19. will not say give up. I am very hopeful. Thomas will stay with us for a long time. But be sure that the dead are not the end. Time and space was created for us. He'll be waiting for you. Until your time will come. I can understand you well. They will miss the habit of everyday life. The fear of the emptiness that comes after it. No matter what happens. Turn to the Creator.
    Whatever is intended for Thomas. Only he knows the reason. We get the answer when the time comes. He knows how you feel. He will reward your battle. Thomas is an angel. Innocent. He has pains. But the Creator will not suffer him, be sure. Have hope. We will all go the way to the Creator. We'll all meet again. This Side is not eternity. Thomas is always with you. No matter what happens. The Creator knows best.

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  20. i am so sorry for the pain that you and your family are going through right now and everything you have been through. just know ur sweet little angel knows how much everyone cares for him and i know its not fair no mother should have to bury their child even before they got a chance to live. i cant even begin to express my sorrows for u and your loved ones. just know that u guys are in my thoughts and prayers hoping for a miracle. may god bless you and that sweet angel and may he grant you the strength to keep going and being the best mom with love from nyc

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