RACE AGAINST TIME

19 April 2017

I am starting to feel like I am racing against time. My brain is thinking a million things at once. I look at my Thomas and my thoughts are of panic! That cute face, that beautiful chin, that big brown eyes, that beautiful voice, that baby smell. I need more time!




There's a shift in my Thomas. Something different, sullen, sad. I could be over thinking / analysing and overly exhausted.

Hospital visits are now more serious. Those type of discussions I tried to avoid and not think about are now on the table.

Time of emergency.
Last breath.
Final Day.
Funeral.

My heart is heavy. My chest is tight. My tears abound.

He deserves everything beautiful in life. Are we giving it? Is it enough? 

I am hopeful but I also see the painful truth. What do they say about Mother's Instinct?

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This post probably doesn't make sense. I am in constant state of panic inside despite the calmness and smiles, especially after today's hospital visit.

Reminder to self: One day at a time.




To the world who love my Thomas, thank you! 
Please continue on praying for him. 

Much love to you all.