08 March 2015
In honour of the International Women's Day, Youtube created #DearMe campaign that challenged the young YouTubers to create a video about them talking to their teenage self. I only had the chance to watch a few videos tonight and it really touched me so I decided to write a post about it. To my teenage self.......
14-yr old MsChikee
First year of highschool was a blast and you couldn't be happier. Now you're in your second year, a sophomore and in a mixed boy-girl class. It's a big deal. I know! You've always been in an all girl class. How are you going to cope? You will cope just fine. It's ok to be overwhelmed and remember this, they are just boys and scared too. Trust me these boys are going to be the coolest boys in your entire highschool life and you will be friends with them later. And the girls, well they are just equally amazing.
Now let's talk about your self-esteem. It is going to hit the lowest because a boy (not from your class) will announce that you're too ugly to be friends with so and so. The same boy will also send you "secret admirer" letters trying to prove a point that he can make any girl fall in love with him - especially the ugly ones. You'll think you've fallen inlove with this guy, that's ok. But in reality, it was just a highschool crush. Word of advice, don't do his assignments for him. Let him fail his classes. Trust me it's not a sin to let him fail and it's not on you if he fails.
Try not to be offended when they tease about your teeth. When you're older and earning money, you will be able to fix your teeth and you'll have an amazing smile. Don't try stop your hysterical laugh or cover your mouth when laughing. Your teeth look fine and it will be fixed. Promise.
Don't lose your sleep when people tease you about how your chin is longer than a crescent moon. Your beauty is exotic and unique. Some girls go through surgery to have a chin like yours. You have it naturally.
Don't lose hope in finding true love. You don't have to do a vigil every night. You're only 14, you are way too young to be worrying about these things. Lance Bass is going to reply to your letter but don't hope to much, he likes guys too he just doesn't know it yet.
It is ok to over-react when you get a pimple but know that it is not permanent. One day you will know enough about skincare that you will have less pimples and sometimes none at all.
You will redefine cheerleading my dear. You will prove that you don't have to be the popular girl to be in the squad. Your entire whole batch is in the squad because you made it happen.
And oh by the way, that boy who broke your heart and convinced you're ugly? Well, there will be this thing called Facebook and you will find this guy and let's just say he ain't Brad Pitt afterall.
15-yr old MsChikee
Ok so now you're back in an all girl class. This is a defining year for you because you will meet 8 amazing girls whom you'll be friends with forever. Again don't worry too much about your teeth, like I said it will be fixed when you're older. Don't worry about your skin colour. Please don't bleach your skin and your face. You are beautiful the way you are.
I know your mum is very strict and she will not let you go out with your friends as easy as you would hope. Hang in there, just keep her happy like you normally do. She worries a lot. She has high hopes for you and she's just scared. Don't take it personally when all you seem to do is house chores or looking after your brother. Your mum is an amazing woman, she works long hours and weekends just so she can provide for you and your brother. She needs your help right now. Trust me, everything that she's doing are all for you and your brother.
Don't worry about your distant relationship with your dad. It's not you. It was never you. He has his own battles that you can't help fix. It will never be a smooth relationship with him but he will try to connect with you and he always mean well. He always want what's best for you even if he doesn't say it. He will not talk to you a lot and sometimes he won't for months. He wasn't present when you were growing up so he doesn't know you well like your mum does. But be always respectful because he's still your father.
Your Junior prom - yeah that makeup and hair - it's ok, it's not your fault. You trusted a professional and you didn't know better. That's ok. There are a lot of bad hair and makeup that night anyway. You look lovely anyway, you had your hair curled (permed) and you got the silver shoes you wanted. Don't stress about the first dance because your partner doesn't know how to dance either.
And yeah you'll receive your first and only 79 in your report card. You can cry, yes but it's not the end of the world. The marks you get in highschool will not define you as a person. So just chill a bit. Like I said it's not the end of the world. Take this as your motivation to do better and you will do better you'll see. Your mum is going to be the proudest at every report card presentation.
16-yr old MsChikee
Senior year in Highschool and you are the president of your class. Stop doubting yourself so much. The class chose you because they want you to lead. Trust yourself more because you are a great leader and a funny one too. Don't you ever lose your sense of humour because you are a joy to be with.
And it's ok to break the rules sometimes and feel like a normal teenager. Don't think too much. If you want to crumple your socks, go ahead do it. It's not going to make you a delinquent.
Eyeglasses are cool too. It's the first time you're wearing it and you see yourself as the nerd. Don't. You will see better and you will not have the headaches anymore and trust me, in the future, eyeglasses are way too cool so you are way ahead of time.
Stop it with your underarm. It's not white , yes, like how it "should be" based on the stupid ads shown on TV. These celebrities who endorse "flawless" skin are photoshopped. It doesn't make you less of a woman if your underarm is not as white as theirs. Stop bleaching it because you're doing more harm than good. Listen to me, your skin reacts to aluminum that's why it looks darker. Find yourself an aluminum-free deodorant and stop bleaching it, I repeat stop bleaching it.
Stop obsessing about not having leg hair or arm hair. Trust me, a lot of women pay monies to have their hairs removed permanently. And stop feeling fat because you were never fat in highschool.
And you're off to College soon and your mum is so proud of you and she may not always tell you that but you make her proud and very happy. She will write you letters later and you will know what I mean.
So young MsChikee, stop thinking that you're ugly. Stop thinking that to be happy and to be loved by someone, you need to be flawless, with fair underarm and with perfect teeth. It's not about physical appearance. It's about how you make the other person feel and how they make you feel. It's about connection and love and admiration for each other. It's about experiencing life together and growing together. Believe me when I say that you will be beautiful to someone's eyes and you will be everything to right partner.
Stop thinking what others think of you. It's not your business. You can't control what their opinions of you are and you can't please everybody. Do what makes you happy and do it proud. Your true friends will always be good and supportive of you.
Stop comparing yourself to other girls. Your life is not a Hollywood RomCom movie but it's yours to live. You may not have all the monies in the world growing up but your mum worked so hard so you can go to school and finish college. You're going to make things happen for you. Your family will help but you're strong willed and you will make a future for you and your family.
Stop thinking about not being good enough for a guy because your dad once told you will not get married ever because of your looks. He didn't mean it. Like I said he doesn't know you well. You were 15 and he was trying to be a dad. Know this now, your dad will walk you down the aisle and give your hand to your boyfriend and he will say sorry about what he said, perhaps not out loud that you can hear it but you will know in your heart.
You won't stop worrying about your brother and that's ok. In the end you will be the only one he's got as family.
And lastly when you lose your mum, you will lose a big part of yourself. Accept that but never once think you're alone. God will surround you with amazing friends and family.
Your love will also find you and he is the most caring and loving partner. He will make you his queen and he will make all your dreams come true. In his eyes you're enough and you're his number one priority. And he will also give you a son who will bring so much joy and love your heart will be filled.
You are worth it.
Your journey is not easy but it is yours to take and yours to live.
I'll see you in the future,
Older (not necessarily wiser) MsChikee xx